This is not my ceiling
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
