Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
