mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
