dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
