It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's paint friendship bongs
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
