i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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