Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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