I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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