just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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