I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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