Moan for me like Helen Keller
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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