listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
