The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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