So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
