she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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