You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
