The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
