You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
