he puts the penis in happiness.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
