what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
