we're blogging at a bar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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