I love black thongs
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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