this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
