My liver just broke up with me...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
