I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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