Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She needs sedatives and a leash
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
