Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
