I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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