its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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