Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
