I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
