Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
