we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
