thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
