i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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