I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
