Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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