You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
