My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
