Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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