we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
