i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
