I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
