You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just cropdusted the office
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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