Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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