I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
