OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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