last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
