the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
