Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
