I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
