I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
