WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
