they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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