just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
