Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
